When you’re angry or disappointed with a colleague, it can be tempting to dash off a text or email to say so. But an angry message sent in haste can ruin a relationship. Before communicating, ask yourself:

What outcome do I want? Think about your end goal and respond in a way that will achieve it.
What should I communicate? If, for example, you want to be in the loop on a project, saying “I’m concerned that you didn’t include me in that meeting” is clearly a better choice than “I can’t believe you didn’t include me!”
How should I communicate? If you listen to other people, they’ll most likely return the favor. Be curious and ask questions. Ask other people whether you’ve understood their perspective.
When should I communicate? Wait until you can approach the conversation with curiosity, compassion, and clarity, and until the other person is likely to be generous and calm.
Adapted from “Outsmart Your Next Angry Outburst,” by Peter Bregman